Killing Patients... With Kindness

It was one of my first nights back and I was flying. My brain felt like it wasn't totally connected to my head, which I suppose is natural after three months of my three month old being the person I was mostly communicating with, but my heart was so very happy to be running around again. I was remembering how to be a nurse again and renewed with energy, compassion, and a love for my profession. There is something very rejuvenating about time away to help you remember why you do what you do and why you love it. 

I took report and assumed care of a woman who I was familiar with from her visit to our ER two nights before. She was not a pleasant woman, and we had assessed that she kept calling an ambulance for the same non-emergent ailments because she craved some human interaction. Unfortunately, she chose to spend her time interacting with staff by barking commands and pressing her call light every 10 minutes for endless reasons. She was not the ideal ER patient and my coworker had gone to great lengths to appease her many requests only to get yelled at about how the patient still was not satisfied. 

I set a goal to kill this woman with kindness. If my theory was correct and she truly was lonely then her spiteful words only came from a place that lacked control. She could no longer walk or move herself well and her life revolved around her medical problems. She was frustrated, tired and completely out of control. She loved the control she gained from the call light and people coming in to her room to ask how they could assist her. She held that control tighter by choosing to be mean to every person who entered the room.

I will not let her get to me.  I entered the room with a smile only to receive barking orders to give her the phone in addition to a few snarky comments. I set my limits hard and firm.  

"Ma'am, I am here to help you and be your advocate. You will be kind to me and will not speak to me that way," I insisted kindly, but firmly.

She snarled at me and gave a long, exasperated "Pllleeeeaaaassseeeee" to appease my request. I handed her the phone. As I walked around the bed I tripped over the cord to her sarcastic remark of, "What are ya trying to kill yourself?" 

I laughed, again thinking, You will not get to me!
" I better not," I smiled. "I have a three month old at home!"
"You doooo????!!" She exclaimed with genuine interest.

Bingo. I had found a way in. I pulled out my phone and showed her a few pictures of my baby and we chatted about kids, families, and she opened up to me about her life. She was simply yearning for a connection. She was human. Don't we all yearn for personal connection in some way? We left the night on good terms, both smiling and better off than when we started. 

As a nurse I am present to help. This means I have a responsibility to my patients, but also a responsibility to myself. I am not a doormat for someone to yell and take out their frustrations on, but I can choose not to return attitude or hurtful words. Sometimes the best way to save a patient is to kill them with kindness and help them realize that you too yearn for connection in hopes to aid in their healing process. I have yet to meet a nurse who has a goal of making patient's lives miserable. It is not in our nature. 

I will always remember this patient. Not because she was mean, but because she reminded me of the power and beauty that is found in genuine care and compassion for another.