Rekindling the Fire

Every once in a while I will wake up in the morning and wonder 

Why do I do this? Why do I work 12 hour shifts? 

Why do I pick up extra hours? Why do I find myself at work even on my days off? 

I do it not because I have to, but because I want to. I want to wake up every day and make a difference in my work and at the end of the day  I love what I do...

And, as with most things, this fire waxes and wanes if I am not careful to balance life and take care of myself. I've always been great at spreading myself as thin as possible to fulfill a subconscious desire to do everything. Time has taught me that doing a lot is not nearly as effective as doing a few things well. 

I envision commitment like pizza dough. The thinner I spread it, the easier it is for a hole to break through. Similarly, the more I add on my plate, eventually things fall through the cracks, including my sanity. This overwhelming feeling comes with anxiety and robs me of the joy I innately possess without the stress. 

I preach a lot about self care and resiliency, something I am even more passionate about after two months of not taking care of myself and feeling the burnout this summer. There's nothing worse than seeing something you love to do not give you the same energy it had in the past, but feels like someone robbed you of your passion. I failed to post a blog over the last few weeks simply because I felt overwhelmed, even though writing is something that helps me process and decompress.

So what revives that passion? For me, it's a refocus. It's humbling myself to place my energy in fewer places so as to create a larger impact. It's vacation and taking a break for my mind to be free and refuel. It helps to talk about what I love about what I do and to remind myself why I do it. 

Every time I teach a new group of nursing students I am reminded why I do what I do. I have the pleasure in such a role to teach the art of nursing. I love a student's excitement after a successful IV or foley placement, but what touches me most is the impact of attitude, spirit, and joy that is so moldable in a student. No mater the age, these intelligent, passionate individuals come to clinical to learn how to nurse, most (as I was at the stage) with absolutely no idea what that means. Their excitement and eagerness is either molded and expanded, or squashed and destroyed by nurses who have lost their passion and forgotten why they nurse in the first place. 

I get to discuss what makes a great nurse. What are the qualities a patient hopes their nurse possesses? In speaking these words I myself am  inspired to be better and reminded of why I do what I do. There is always room to grow, and teaching them reminds me to refocus and rediscover what gets me out of bed in the morning.

This inspiration puts a literal spring in my step. (I got caught this week skipping by a doc). It helps me see the person in each patient. It also gives me the passion to work towards a culture of self care so that others don't feel that burn out I felt over the last month. How do we find ways to remember our passion for what we do? Each person is different. What part of what you do makes you get up every morning? Maybe you've forgotten? I've been doing this for three years and catch myself in slumps when I don't take the time to connect back to the beginning. 

What did it mean when I said I wanted to be a nurse? What does it mean now? How do I preserve that fire for my work to fulfill my own passion and in return inspire the lives of those I care for and those whom I work with?