Right Where You're Meant to Be

Grandpa’s breathing became apneic. Two days before he was sitting up in his chair begging for an orange popsicle, and this morning his barely audible words had progressed to no words at all. The family was gathered close and we offered words of love and reassurance. Maybe it was the tugging on my heart, maybe it was the silence that I had trouble sitting with, or maybe it was the desire to connect to grandpa’s heart in a special way as he had sung at my wedding only 6 months ago. Whatever the reason I broke into “Amazing Grace”, then “Ave Maria”, and the songs kept coming.

The last song I sang came from a special place in my heart as it was one I had written. “Meant to Be” was written from a place  of fear and hope with the unknown ahead.

…look at all the people who love you, look at your true friends so dear. Count your blessings, capture the laughter, remember to smile and love with no fear. Find God in everything that you see, and know you’re right where you’re meant to be…

And as I sang my song the words changed as they became a prayer and the best last words I could offer to my grandfather…

…Look at all the people who love you, look at all your family right here. Count your blessings, capture the laughter, remember to smile, let go of your fears. Find God is everything that you see. You’re going right where you’re meant to be.

There’s a reason you’re here. And though it isn’t clear, just let go and you will see, you’re going right where you’re meant to be.

I left a few hours later after a week of prayer, moments, and presence with him, and he was still holding on. I don’t think we will ever fully understand God’s plan or God’s timing in life, but I can hold on to the faith and hope that there’s something beautiful on the other side. Something greater than any of us could ever imagine. Our goal is to live our lives to the fullest so that when He calls we’re ready to walk through the door.

My song, “Meant to Be”, can be found on itunes:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/meant-to-be-single/id985416746

The Presence of Death

As I sit here at grandpas bedside it's amazing to observe how different people see death. Grandpa is 90 years old and at the end stage of esophageal cancer. Grandpa who stood up and sang Ave Maria at my wedding only 6 months ago... Grandpa who cruised around Las Vegas like a champ for his 90th birthday in October. His brain is fully intact while his body is weaker every day with only days to weeks to live. The support, love, and prayers at this time is beautiful and overwhelming. 

I sit here and I am content. The first few days were hard as I entered into a medical situation and had to balance my place on this trip. There is a fine line between nurse and granddaughter, and on this trip I really just need to be here as "favorite granddaughter" (aka only granddaughter :p). For grandpa, my knowledge of the disease process is helpful, but what is most important is presence. Trip after trip to California he would ask "when will we see you again?" ...I didn't always know. This trip came about at the drop of a hat when I head the words "hospice". Time better spent in the days before death then after. And to fly out to just be present was the best gift I could give him at this time. 

Who needs presence? Do you have people in your life, people you work with, those who are dear to you who need you to be present in their lives? How often do we take the time to be still and be with someone? Do we make enough time before it's too late or do we scramble to pull it together when there is limited time remaining? Everyone always comes together in the last moments, as they should, but what if we lived our lives to truly soak in and enjoy every moment with others so when the final moments came there were no regrets about calls made, time spent, and the relationship that was built?

Life is precious. Enjoy every day, live in every moment, count your blessings, and count every experience and encounter. Let joy overwhelm your life so that one day when God is ready to take you, you are ready to skip through the pearly gates and leave behind only the joy you put in the hearts of the people you left behind.

Thanks God...

How often do we take the time to say "thank you"?

I mean for those things we take for granted in life: A roof over my head, a job, food on the table, a man who loves me...I wake up every day breathing, functioning, and alive. These are gifts. Gifts that are so easy to take for granted in every moment of life.

Do I stop and give thanks for these blessings? Do I remember to thank God for all he's given me or am I always asking for things, complaining about things, and wondering why things didn't go my way...

I was walking today with my best friend. It was an absolutely gorgeous day and we had so much fun laughing, talking, walking, and just catching up on life. I took a moment to soak it in and to acknowledge the gifts in this day that God had given me. The friendship, the laughter, the warmth of the sun, the beauty of the day, and the joy in my heart. 

...And when I took a moment to recognize the beauty in this day, it made the joy even greater. It's the little things in life that are so easy to overlook. 

"Well you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missing home"     

-Passenger

I challenge you to live each day with a joyful, grateful heart. Learn to love things in each moment before they are lost in the craziness of life. See how it changes your perspective and brings out joy and the presence of God more frequently in your life. And smile knowing that you are blessed. Maybe not in the same way as everyone else, but God blesses each and every one of us in unique ways. 

You are Beautiful

I was walking out of the courthouse on Tuesday after a long day. I had been running on 3 hours of sleep after a night shift to get my number called at jury duty to go sit in the courtroom to be placed on a jury. My attitude was sour to say the least. I had the most pathetic "I'm tired don't talk to me" faces you have ever seen and thought maybe if I looked pathetic enough the judge wouldn't pick me to be on the jury. Then I learn that the lady next to me has a foster child in the hospital with pneumonia and a husband with Parkinsons...that sure put my complaining into perspective.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I was not selected to be on the jury and was able to leave the courtroom by 1 as opposed to 5. Walking out, I leaned over the railing as I sent a message to my husband to please come pick me up, when a younger man walked up the stairs and around behind me on his way to wherever he was going. I was paying very little attention to what was going on around me when I heard him say, "you're beautiful". Not in a creepy, stalker-ish kind of way, but a polite, genuine compliment. He kept walking.

I was taken a back for a minute. 1. I had rolled out of bed, hair unwashed, threw it up in a bun with a headband, had on a big comfy sweatshirt and my super comfy and warm workout leggings. I was a mess to say the least. On top of that I hadn't been feeling great about myself that day. I had bags under my eyes, hadn't slept more than 6 hours in 2 days, hadn't made it to the gym in over 3 days, and was running off of coffee. Needless to say I was not feeling great about myself. 

His comment made me stop...

I am beautiful. Not for what I wear, what I look like, how tall, short, slim or stalky I am, but because I am a child of God. This statement brightened my day but also made me realize how important that affirmation is in our society. It is the quality of our character and the genuinity of our hearts that defines beauty, contrary to what media and society tell us today.

So remember that you are beautiful for being you. There is no one else like you. Embrace who you are and let your true self radiate. 

And don't forget to tell others that they are beautiful. We all need that reminder sometimes.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Marianne Williamson

A Thought About Love

I encounter a lot of different people in my line of work and most often these people are extremely stressed, frustrated, and not at their best. I plan to be in the ER three days a week, but the average person does not wake up with the intent to enter the ER doors and quite possibly have their world flipped upside-down. I see a lot of emotion, a lot of tears, and a lot of different expressions of love. One struck me in particular...

I observed an interaction between a couple. Had I seen them on the street I never would have put the two together. Of different races, heights, statures, backgrounds, and just about everything else. They had been friends for years, caring for each other for years. Only kind words were spoken about the other, and there was a softness to her face that was oddly calm for the situation at hand. 

If we could all treat each other in this way, wouldn't it be as Jesus had wanted? He  said to love each other as we love ourselves. To reach out to those in need, be kind to those around us, to extend a hand to those who are struggling, to be selfless... 

Why couldn't the kindness and dedication in this relationship be exemplified in the relationships of every couple who walked through the door? Was it because they focused on what really mattered? Was it because their relationship was built on communication and selflessness? Because they had each others best intentions at heart at all times? 

Was it because neither of them could see?


Talk about a different perspective. They lived life for what each day brought, took on each situation for what it was, and loved in every moment. They exemplified love in a beautiful way. 

How often do we let what we see in front of us cloud our opinions with judgement? Maybe if we closed our eyes every once in a while we would see more than we ever expected.

"Open my eyes, Lord. Help me to see Your face. Open my heart, Lord. Help me to love like You. Help me to love"

How Faith Saved a Life...

It's been quite a week to say the least...in a good way. I experienced a beautiful first Christmas morning with my husband, my first white Christmas, and  first Christmas working at the hospital, and first Christmas not in sunny California. Such a beautiful day to celebrate Christ's birth and reflect on the blessings in my life.

What Gift to I Gift?

I think back to when I was a child and my mom used to have us write prayer intentions and gifts we would bring to Jesus on strips of paper, the "straw" we would then lay in the manger my dad had built out of wood with our baby doll Jesus inside it. It was what we were going to bring to Jesus to celebrate his birth. This has always stuck with me. I mean, you can't buy Jesus a present, but you can give of yourself and give back the gifts he has given you. Maybe it's sharing your voice in the choir, sharing your good sportsmanship in the sport you play, cooking or baking for those in need, visiting someone who's lonely, sharing your writing to inspire those around you, being an example of integrity and compassion in the workplace....there are so many ways to share your gifts in a given moment.

 Story from this week...Know when to use your gifts...

The day after Christmas I was working out at the gym before heading to work. I had finished my run and was walking to the water fountain when the man in front of me fell to his knees, then his face, and slid off the treadmill. I ran over (remember I am an RN), helped position the man on his back and assessed his alertness and injury. He had hit his head but was alert and oriented. In speaking with this stranger he then became unresponsive and demonstrated seizure-like activity. A medic had come over to assist and we got the man on his side. The man's face began to turn gray, he stopped breathing, and I could not palpate a pulse as he went into cardiac arrest.  The medic began compressions and someone grabbed the AED. We initiated 2 rounds of CPR and one shock when a pulse was then palpable and I called off CPR as the man began to breathe and speak to us. The paramedics showed up at this time to transfer the man to the nearest hospital. 

In the midst of CPR, and compressions a woman came by, knelt down next to the patient, and placed the sign of the cross on his forehead. She didn't look up or say a word, and then she quietly walked away. This struck me most after the fact. The medic and I were able to coordinate the small team present to get this man's heart to pump again. That is our profession, that is what we do, we have been blessed with professions that allow us to practice medicine. In this moment it was our responsibility to exercise this gift to help this man. That woman may or may not have had medical background, but she had faith. In that moment she was called to pray and to share her gift of faith. By the grace of God that man's heart began to beat. Sure we initiated the recommended medical treatment, but that man's Guardian Angel was working overtime that day with the help of the prayers of a stranger. That was Powerful.

Just remember that gifts can be big and small. Don't be afraid to share those gifts, whatever they may be. God gave you certain talents for a reason. We are all here on this earth and in places at times on purpose. There are not accidents, just God's hand at work. View life and events by looking at the gifts and opportunities that each present. Every situation has a door to shine God's light and He shines through you.

Go be a light in the world. 

Being a Team Player

TEAMS OF LIFE...
 
I recently started working in my "dream job" position as an ER nurse and have finally settled in to my crazy new schedule of working 3pm-3am. Yes, I know, insane. I like to think of it as the schedule for the life of that college kid that I never was...up super late and sleep the day away. For the morning person I am, waking up at one in the afternoon after a super late shift is a new reality. But, life, and nursing especially are all about being flexible.

I have been warmly accepted in my new position and in this new job, and it has really opened my eyes to a new level of teamwork and what it means to be a team player. I am assigned a team for the day to care for a hallway of patients and it is my job to be on the same page with my teammates, be sure they have enough support, and in turn let them know if I need help. The more each of us reach out to help throughout the day there is better patient care, less stress, and higher staff morale.

It is important to feel supported in day to day life. Thinking about my work team caused me to reflect on my position as a teammate in life. I am on God's team, but how do I act as a good team member in life as a good Christian/Catholic? I think there are three factors that make a good teammate:

• Communication

• Leadership

• Action

How do I apply these to being on God's team?  

1. Communication: Everyone has to know what is going on and what the plan is. Do I communicate with God? Do I pray? Do I open my heart to what His plan is for my life or is there a disconnect between what I am doing and where God is calling me?

2. Leadership: Someone has to step up and be a leader on a team. In addition, each person needs to recognize when it is best to step back and allow another to take the lead. If everyone stepped back and followed the crowd we would be sucked in to what society tells us is right and good. It is my responsibility to stand up for my faith, to take the lead in saying no to sin even when society tells me it's okay and socially acceptable.

3. Action: No team is successful without action. To be an active Catholic I need to go to church, go to confession, pray, and "walk the walk". I need to be kind to others, treat others like Jesus would. I am not perfect and these are HARD things to do!! However, I need to actively strive to follow Christ and ask for forgiveness when I fail. 


You have teammates around you in life. Family, friends, etc. Be sure you are surrounded by good people who help you become the best you and stay on track to following Christ in your life. It's hard to walk it alone. Keep God close, live out your faith, and stand up for what you believe. Take it one day at a time. It will be hard at times, but there is no better team to be on than the one led by Jesus. 



Feel free to comment! -Christina Marie