God at Work

Did you know at 13 weeks a fetus has a head, eyelids, fingers, toes, fingernails and fingerprints? It has a beating, developing heart, a bladder that begins to function, and arms and legs. It has a torso, ears, and is a very small child, typically about 6.7cm long. You read these things online and in the text books, but it is hard to conceptualize the thought of a human being this small at this stage...

When the young woman came in at 13 weeks pregnant with a large amount of vaginal bleeding we anticipated a miscarriage. She and her husband requested not to go to the OR until products of conceptions were seen. "Products of Conception" is the medical term that refers to pieces of the placenta or fetus that are retained during a miscarriage. Our concern was the amount of blood being lost. A miscarriage has the potential to turn into a life-threatening situation if the mother becomes hemodynamically unstable. Since she was stable, we agreed to watch her longer.

I made sure the sweet young woman was comfortable and went about checking in on my other patients. My heart ached for this young patient. I have not yet had children, nor do I see it in my near future, but I could not imagine what it would be like to carry a child inside you and then lose it to natural causes. There was such love between the patient and her husband. There was sadness in their eyes, but words and actions of care, commitment, and unconditional love. Through good and bad. 

I noticed a priest in his white collar and black shirt and pants enter the room and exit with the husband. I reentered the room to check on the patient and assess the blood loss. I asked about the priest who they explained was a friend of theirs from their Catholic church. How special that in the wee hours of the morning their priest was willing to rush down to be with them for a few minutes and offer prayer and support during this difficult time. 

Discussing their priest and parish I connected with them identifying myself as Catholic. Not working my normal shift that evening and issues of life being so central in the faith, I felt like God had been at work in placing me with this family on this night. I understood why she did not want to go to the OR yet, wanting to ensure the baby had every chance, respecting the life of that 13 week old inside her. 

Out at the nursing station I sorted through all the paperwork for a miscarriage.  Options for burial, the need to send the fetus and placenta to the lab to ensure nothing was retained, and the large, clear bucket that was sent from lab to obtain any products of conceptions. The bucket made me uncomfortable. It felt so strange to think about placing pieces to send to the lab. I understood the importance of making sure no products were retained (which could cause severe hemorrhage and endanger the mother), but it just felt so inhumane. I put the bucket to the side deciding I would cross that bridge if anything was delivered before she went upstairs. The papers broke my heart. I had never dealt with a miscarriage before and was unsure how to approach the paperwork with this couple. It was all still so fresh and in progress...

I cycled her pressure which was still stable but continuing to drop. I decided to implement standing orders for fluid, even though she was about to be taken to the floor for an overnight stay and trip to the OR. I explained this to her and grabbed the fluids. Back in the room and hanging the bag the patient had a large contraction where she exclaimed "something came out". I looked down from where I was to see the 13 week old fetus attached to the umbilical cord, stillborn. 

My heart felt like it froze for a moment and I took a breath to be the best support I could for the mother and father. I was in shock. I had seen healthy, full-term babies delivered in nursing school, but never a stillborn and never this young. I hadn't expected to see a human-looking child. I thought "products of conception" would be pieces of tissue, undefined. But there was a beautiful, tiny baby. Not old enough to distinguish gender it fit in half of my hand with tiny fingers and toes, this beautiful creation of God.

"You just delivered the baby", I said softy. Would you like to hold it? She nodded, tears slowly leaking down her face, knowing the baby was not alive. The father immediately came to the side of the bed, placed his thumb on the baby's forehead and making the sign of the cross prayed, "I anoint you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit". I held back my tears at this beautiful display of faith as I left just long enough to grab the OB kit and the provider. 

After the clamping and cutting of the cord I handed the baby to mom. She looked lovingly on her child that was no longer here, but with God. I sat down by her bedside and assured her she could have all the time she needed. Knowing her faith was important and so crucial at this time I then asked if I could pray with her. Her eyes widened as she took my hand and said, "yes, please". I prayed out loud with the two of them as she squeezed my hand and held her baby in the other. I ended with the "Our Father" as the two of them joined in with voices strong and full of conviction". I left them to mourn together while I stepped outside with a coworker to cry  in private, my heart breaking for them and overwhelmed by the experience.

It was so sad, but so powerful. God was so present in the room that night, and it was so beautiful to see these people draw strength and comfort from Him in their time of need. As their sister in Christ it was an honor to care for them this night, and to be able to recognize her physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. I would not normally ask to pray with a patient, but knowing her religious background and seeing the husband rush to anoint the child upon birth, there was a tug at my heart to join with them and together bring God to the front. We are called to bring Christ to each other. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Give Life

I have the pleasure of being able to teach nursing students throughout the year, during which I don't think the students realize how much they teach me throughout the course of 5 weeks. One day during this rotation the students experienced the unexpected death of a patient. They stood against the wall of the room watching the nurses, eyes wide, and some filled with tears. We left the room to debrief where I learned that that was the first experience of death for many of them. 

In this moment there are lots of feelings. Why did this happen? Why him? What did we do wrong? People in the ICU with 10 different lines and tubes are often expected to pass, but not the person who was sitting there talking to you 10 minutes before. Justified, confused feelings and sadness. 

As nurses  a lot of times we struggle with the one thing in the day that didn't go right. The one patient you advocated for so hard who gets up and leaves AMA, the one who you sat and educated who at the end tells you they don't care and aren't going to change their lifestyle or help themselves, or the patient who takes out all their frustration by verbally shooting down your confidence to the point where all you can do is walk away so they don't see you break down and cry. 

This is why we work 3 days a week. Long shifts, but shifts that involve giving our heart and soul into the treatment of each patient who walks in the door. 

I told the students,  these days happen. These days happen and we learn from them in so many ways. How do you react to this situation? What feelings does it trigger? Reflect on these things, feel them, and develop a strategy to move forward when you see this again. How do you center yourself after you've been rattled? 

You have to remember the wins of each day and let go of the situations that bring you down. Remember the one patient who said thank you, the one patient that made you smile, the one patient who was so grateful that you took the time to sit and listen. Those are the wins of each day. 

Each and every day you walk into a patient room, give life. Bring something into that room that brightens that persons day. A happy heart, a smile, intentional interaction even if you're only there for five minutes. Whether they take it or not, at the end of the day you can leave knowing that you have given your all. You are proud of your care, proud of who you are as a nurse, and did your best to bring light, joy, and healing. 

We like to think  we have control in this profession. We don't, but we do have control over how we respond to situations and the attitude we carry every day. 

So whatever you do, whatever profession you practice, practice giving life with each interaction. You'd be surprised at the difference you will make.

 

I Touched a Heart...

In my work I see things the average person wouldn't see, feel more emotionally in a day than the "average Joe" at work, and experience things many wouldn't feel appropriate to discuss at the dinner table. That is the life of a nurse. This reality doesn't bother me, but I often take a step back and reflect on the rare position I step into each day I walk into the ER. No one wakes up and plans to spend hours to days behind those doors. Lives change unexpectedly each and every day through our doors and I am a part of that. 

I touched a heart...

Recently I had the opportunity to place my hand on the real flesh of a heart, press gently on the heart,  initiate a beat, and feel a pulse as a result of generated  blood flow from the contraction of my touch...wow...and I often wonder how people can work in medicine and not believe in God. The design of the human body and it's systems and how that heart pumps in the first place is so intricate and beyond incredible to have evolved from a mind of its own. 

My heart felt for this patient, as hands worked tirelessly to resuscitate and bring life back. I could only pray that if the patient didn't make it, that God was holding them tight up in heaven...

I feel honored and blessed in so many ways to work in the profession I do, and strongly feel that I have the ability to touch hearts and listen to them more than just physically. I walked into a new patient room the other day and greeted a sweet woman with, "Hello, my name is Christy and I am going to be your nurse and take great care of you today. What brings you in today?" I sat down, smiled and looked her in the eyes. She smiled back and said, "well I think just your energy is helping heal me  already!"

I forget that no patient wants to walk into the ER. I love what I do, and I love that I have the opportunity to be the hands and feet of Christ to each person I encounter, and I forget that something as simple as a smile and pure joy for life can make such a difference. People ask why I'm so happy. I am happy because I carry God's love in my heart and am open to Him shining through in my life and my work.

I think if we all remembered that God lives inside each of us and looks for a way to get out, we would share Him more. Look to touch one heart today with God's love.

My Weekend On the Mountain

I am convinced that there is nothing more beautiful than a Colorado sunset over the Rocky Mountains. I had the pleasure of spending the past weekend up in Winter Park where my husband and I led confirmation retreat though our church. 

And all weekend the teens dress up in ridiculous "team wear", play games and compete, they sing, they watch the adults put on ridiculous skits purely for their entertainment, they pray, and they bond.....

They bond because they are all united through Christ. To watch the transformation from night one, where they aren't quite sure how to act or what to think, to Sunday afternoon, where they stand up and vocalize how important faith is in their life, is absolutely incredible. 

To watch God move is simply incredible. 


They watch a clip of "The Passion" where Jesus is beaten, stripped, forced to carry a cross, and crucified, and suddenly it all becomes very real.

This man died for our sins.....Jesus died for me...and there is absolute silence.
...and as we kneel during adoration we sing:

 "I stand, with arms high and heart abandoned. In awe of the One who gave it all. I stand, my soul, Lord, to You surrendered. All I am is Yours"

 All I am is Yours

 I watched teen's lives change last weekend as they opened their hearts to Christ. I watched and was inspired to renew my own faith. It's always easy to find God on the mountain top and make promises to yourself to change things, but a whole different story when you enter back into "real life". "Retreat" needs to be a more consistent theme. Not necessarily getting away to a perfect camp getaway, but finding ways to spend time with God that renew the spirit and fire under my faith. I think this looks different for each person. For me, it's finding a place to worship with music, volunteering, and mentoring youth...activities that help me remember what is important in life. 

God, I pray that everyday my words, thoughts, and actions reflect Your love. I pray that I exude the joy that comes from Your presence in my life. Grant me the courage to follow your example, to stand up for what I believe in, and to live without fear. I pray for faith like a child: unabandoned, eager, trusting, and pure. Help me find you in all things and help me to continually renew my faith by finding ways to grow in community and be challenged to spend more time strengthening my relationship with You. All I am is Yours.

Amen 

It was a Good Friday

The clouds became darker and finished closing gaps where the blue sky that had been shining all day peered through. Snow began to flurry and the clock stuck 3. I looked down from the mountain at the peaceful, snowy layout of Denver. Ironic that the snow decided to start now. 3pm, Good Friday, when we remember the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. 

70 of us, ranging from 15-70 years old had started that morning from St. Frances Cabrini to walk 20 miles to the Mother Cabrini Shrine where we prayed the stations of the cross in honor of the sacrifice Jesus made for us greater than 2000 years ago. Mostly teens present and a walk full of incredible people, amazing stories, and new friends.

We prayed the stations at the top of the mountain: "The 5th Station: Simon helps Jesus carry his cross". 

Jesus humbled himself to become fully human and take on all of our sins. As He carried that cross in His humble state, He needed help. None of us can carry the crosses of life by ourselves. 

 "We are the church". The people, not the building. It is the relationship building with one another that helps us carry out our faith because we are supported and loved by these people. This was not 20 miles of silent contemplation, but 20 miles full of smiles, laughs, conversation, and being present to each other. Through this shared experience I had the opportunity to walk with  different people and to hear their stories; people I may not have otherwise had the chance to converse with.


 ...and were we all similar or had the same interests?...no, but we all walked holding a faith in Christ, a desire to grow in that faith, and wanted to get to the top.

I think a lot of times we go to church and go through the motions to say we were there. But walking in faith is about walking in community and growing with the people around you. It's like the last post where I talked about getting to know your coworkers. It's easier to support them at work if you know where they come from. Think about your faith. It's much easier to help someone overcome trials and help carry their cross if you know what it is. In turn, if you are trying to carry your own cross, you can't do it by yourself. 

Find ways to put yourself out there, engage with your faith community, and find simple experiences to share with others. We're all on this journey together, don't  try to walk it alone.

God can be found in all things.

Have a blessed and Happy Easter!

Do You Know Them?

It was a beautiful bluebird day up on the mountain Friday where I met with a group of coworkers for a ski day. I'm newer to the unit and really wanted to build relationships with some of these people and put myself in situations outside of the stress and chaos of a work day. Sitting there and chatting I found myself asking questions you might ask anyone when you first meet...

What do you do for fun? 
Where are you from?
How long have you been a nurse?....

While I have worked side by side with these people for months, collaborated on patient care, helped resuscitate and heal, there were basic things I did not know.

What makes these people get out of bed in the morning and do what they do? Where did they come from? What is their story?

One told me his story about how he is working on a documentary that he started after biking across the country between jobs. He hopes to learn and build his own sustainable home and retire to the mountains one day. He has been skiing since he was a kid and grew up in the mountains of Colorado... 

Look around at the people you work with and spend 80% of your weekly time. Do you really know them at all? What if we took two minutes every day to get to know something new and unique about those people. Like them or not,  a look into their life helps you understand who they are, why they do what they do, and how they can be encouraged and lifted up on a day to day basis. It helps you connect on a deeper level.

Wouldn't you have more fun at work if you worked with your friends? You can't be friends until you know something about them below the surface. 

Try it.

You're In Good Hands

I think anxiety is one of the worst feelings in the world. Your body clenches up, your mind races, and there seems to be no rest ahead, no solution or light at the end of the tunnel. I encounter many people/patients in a week that carry this cross. Some, daily, and others simply under the given circumstances. 

One patient in particular came in struggling to breathe, feeling tight in the chest, and scared of possible diagnosis/outcomes. Test and procedures were performed quickly to rule out cardiac problems, the hustle and bustle only adding to the stress she was feeling at that time. As people cleared out of the room I sat at her bedside to speak with her and help calm her fears. I assured her that if anything bad was happening that she was in the best place for that to happen. Having full faith in my team I promised her she would be well taken care of and that as her nurse I would take good care of her. 

I noticed a red rosary that she grasped tightly in her hands. "I love your rosary" I commented. She looked down and gave a slight smile. I touched her shoulder and looked her in the eyes, "You are in good hands". 
"I know, I guess. I've never been here before..."
"No," I stopped her and touched her hands and motioned to her rosary. "No matter what happens, you are in great hands". 
She nodded and smiled. "Yes, yes I am," she said. I left to get pain medication for her as she settled back on the stretcher.

In life and in the hardest moments sometimes we need to be reminded that when God is in charge we are in good hands. We may never understand it all, but it all happens for a reason and will all work out in the end. 

Let Him take your anxiety. Let Him take your fear. Let go and let God.