Fierce Love

I often have heard nurses say how the case wasn't real until the family members entered the room. This simply meaning that a personal or emotional connection wasn't associated with the patient in cardiac arrest on the table until the family member's cries were heard or tears witnessed at the same time, or sometimes after the fact. I have experienced this as well.

We see trauma frequently in the ER and are used to kneeling at the side of a spouse and holding their hand while they weep. In these cases, we know that words typically do not suffice and presence is the best form of communication we have to offer in that moment. None of those cases are easy, but none of them present quite the same either. As humans we all have different ways of grieving and coping with life's challenges. 

The love of a parent for their child is immense and one of the hardest grieving instances to witness in an acute emergent situation. Whether that child is an infant or fifty years old, no parent should have to watch their child die, it's just not right. 

This man was his son's biggest fan. They had both been down a rough road, but his son was his world. He was an adult, but far too young to be on death's doorstep, and this father watched his son's heart rate drop and then stop. He watched the initiation of CPR through intubation and took his place at the foot of the bed. Your average family member would step out or sit quietly and watch. This man's response was unique as he cheered his son on throughout the process.  

You're going to come through this. You've got this son. Hang in there. 

Talk about heartbreaking. Dad was more than engaged. He was a member of the team. He asked questions about prognosis, length of compressions, tests being run, and drugs administered. He maintained a spirit of hope and his rooting for his son worked in conjunction with the team's desire to resuscitate the young life on the table. I talked dad through the process, potential diagnosis, the medical workup, and what to expect over the next few days. What at first felt like an awkward time to be answering technical medical questions, that is what dad needed. All he had control over was knowledge and hope, and he held on to both tightly.

After my shift that evening I found this same dad behind me at the coffee cart and he insisted on paying for my morning muffin. I gave him a hug and he looked me in the eye and said Thank you for what you do. 

Wow. Those are the moments in this profession that remind me why I do what I do. That man was a brave soul who took his fear and transformed it in to hope as he faced something no father should have to. His spirit was unlike anything I had witnessed, and his face and name will remain with me as one that I won't forget. I know he was hurting deep down and had a long road ahead of him, but he demonstrated a love for his son that was fierce, deep, and dedicated. A beautiful example of the love of a parent for his child. 

Thank you, my friend, for reminding me of the beauty of loving fiercely in this life.