The things we encounter in a day as a nurse...
I was reflecting on what I could blog about and threw up a prayer asking God to help me articulate something meaningful. I think God chuckled a bit as I was working this day of my request and He placed me in a scenario that I believe I will hold on to for a long time, if not forever.
That's the thing about nursing, and particularly in the ER, that you get so used to seeing emergent, traumatic patients, they often blend together by the end of the days, weeks, and months. A minor story you tell at the dinner table (most definitely retained by those non-medical people at the table who are usually horrified) is forgotten days later as it is replaced by new cases and people. We only vividly remember a few.
This was one to remember. This patient had family in critical condition and was brought in to help regain control of his breathing, which was triggered by grief and panic. The beloved family member did not have much time, and after the first few minutes of medication and deep breathing we were asked if the patient was stable enough to say goodbye in the last minutes of the loved-one's parting. I threw some oxygen on the man, grabbed a wheelchair, and took him down the hall as quickly as I could, knowing only minutes were remaining.
When we wheeled in the door I positioned him next to the bed of his love one, who had just passed. Doctor came in and delivered the news, and the sound of my patient's grief echoed down the halls of the CCU. For 45 minutes I witnessed the strength of the family supporting each other and helping calm down my patient in the midst of their sadness and disbelief.
I stood bracing my patient to ensure he didn't fall out of the wheelchair, and wiped his tears as I held back my own. My heart ached for this man. Not only was his world flipped upside down that day, but he was so overcome with grief that he could hardly catch his breath. I imagined myself in his shoes and quickly jumped out of that thought as such a thought was terrifying and brought immediate, strong emotion.
I could not imagine what this man was feeling, but I can still hear his cries to God asking "why?". I still can see his tear-stricken face and glassy eyes, and I can feel the tug on my heart that inside cried with this man.
I was completely humbled. The pain and the grief that no words could touch at the time. The humanness of the situation. The reality of life and death. The truth of the brother who simply stated that we all have a time that will come. The reality that I work in a profession where I get to be present to people on their very worst days.
I was humbled to witness such a vulnerable time with this family. It's so easy to forget the terror and tragedy that can accompany a visit to the ER because we see it every day. It is humbling to step inside someone's world and view things through a new lens and feel with those involved. I pray this man finds peace in the darkness of this time, and I pray that his story remains in the back of my heart as a reminder to hold close the ones I love and to remember what it is like to be on the other side of the curtain.
