Processing via Prayer

The past two weeks I have attended two sessions on  how to process and debrief difficult events. One of my processing strategies comes through prayer and learning how to let go of what I cannot control.

There are always those patients you remember and the ones you carry on your heart. For some, these are patients who passed in your care, for others, maybe the patient had a memorable story.  Then there are those who for no apparent reason just touch a special place in your heart. Recently for me my heart has been touched by several youth I have encountered. 

When I started in emergency nursing pediatrics terrified me, so I decided to join the peds team to overcome this fear. After several difficult cases and learning how to work with kids, that fear melted into joy and a better understanding of pediatric care.

There is something special about a child. Their openness to life, resilience, and their ability to see and tell the truth. Their personality shines through their words without fear of judgement for what they say because they only know how to be their genuine selves.

As a nurse I have a place to advocate for all patients, but especially those in the pediatric population who cannot advocate for themselves. Our education to the parents impacts the child and how they are cared for beyond the hospital doors. When treating sick adults with chronic diseases we often wonder:

Where was the fall out? Why didn't this person take care of themselves?  

Maybe from a young age they weren't taught how. It's not usually the kid's fault. Now this isn't to automatically blame the parents,  (I am not a parent and have no place to judge), but it is a realization that has helped me to recognize the importance of educating parents in addition to the kids we see every day. That much is in my control, while many times the situation back home is not. Those are the cases that pull on my heart...

It's the pre-teen boy who has the maturity level of an adult because he is the father role in the house and protects his siblings. He doesn't realize that the things he knows and the responsibility he holds on a daily basis is nothing he should have to do at his age. The genuine care and concern he holds for his siblings and his willingness to talk to the police and CPS reveals the heart of gold this boy holds. I go home and pray for him from time to time knowing he knows no other life but one of responsibilities. He does not get to be a kid, and I pray that one day he is able to have someone love and care for him like he cares for others.

Then there is the beautiful, intelligent young teen who had the courage to call for help after finding mom down and unresponsive. She hovers at the bedside with concern and care, and I wonder if she has  any knowledge that her mother tested positive for amphetamines. This strong, young girl has incredible potential and is mature for her age.  She watches over her younger sibling and carries herself with a humble confidence. My heart breaks for her and I pray that she finds a mentor who can be an example of a strong, driven, and inspiring woman to keep her from losing the potential she has to the same path she watches her mother walk each day. 

Then there was the young man so wrought with mental illness, anger, and sadness that he banged his head against the wall while crying out, "Just let me die, I'd be better off". It breaks my heart that his support system over time vanished and he has lost direction and purpose. My heart hurts for him because he is no longer in control.

There is so much brokenness in our world and as healthcare providers we see our fair share of the hard stuff, abuse, neglect, and brokenness in the streets just beyond the hospital doors. If I held on to every case I would lose my mind. I focus on how I can advocate and serve those patients in the time I have. I educate parents, I call CPS, and I offer compassion and kindness. At the end of the day I say a prayer and offer up those cases, because they are no longer in my hands. Some stick in my head, and when I acknowledge them I pray for each of these people and place them in Gods hands, praying they encounter special circumstances to overcome the odds life handed to them. 

I pray they find a way to move past survival and learn to thrive.

Privileged

I am privileged in many ways. I have a roof over my head,  a wonderful husband, a career I love, amazing family and friends...I really couldn't ask for more. These are things I try hard not to take for granted as it is so easy to do so. Last week I had the honor of reconnecting with a person I helped resuscitate at the gym in 2015 (see Dec. 2015 blog "How Faith Saved a Life").  We were asked to speak together at an educational event focused on cardiac arrest. The outline for my talk asked to share my story and to also address the following:

1. Why did you become a nurse?

2. How does nursing define you?

3. How does this story relate to your passion about nursing?

I gained a lot by taking a step back to ask myself these questions. Too often I fall in to the motions of life and forget that what I do for a living is something I love. I love people. Why did I become a nurse? ...that is another story for a future week...but, in short,  I was looking for a profession of service. I wanted my work to be meaningful to someone else. I wanted to leave my job every day knowing I made a difference in someone's life. My education path turned into nursing which has since revealed itself to me as a profession of caring in addition to teaching.

2. How does nursing define you? I don't think nursing defines me, rather who I am defines my practice. How I choose to interact with people impacts their experience. I strive to see the good in each person and treat them as if they were my family because I have a responsibility to provide the best care. I want to make a difference, I want to make someone comfortable and feel better, and I want to be a light on those dark days. Quite often there is a lot of darkness when someone is in the ER. It is not the place people plan to be when they wake up in the morning.

3. How does this story relate to your passion about nursing? My passion is for people. As I wrote my talk I realized that what I have is a gift. The knowledge, skills, and brain power necessary to practice as a nurse are gifts. But even more than being a gift, it is an absolute privilege. It is a privilege to have someone put their trust and confidence in me to care for their loved one. It is a privilege to have the skills to resuscitate or stabilize a patient. It is a privilege to be the hands and feet of Christ in my daily work. Yes, I am trained to resuscitate people and help bring them back to life. It's what I get to do on a daily basis, but it's not something that everyone is capable of doing or has the training to do. To not use my skills and to not practice to my full potential would be a rejection of the gifts I have. I have to remember that I don't "have" to go to work, but I am fortunate and have the privilege of serving my community.

Try viewing what you do as a calling and see how it changes your perspective.

I am privileged and honored to be in the profession I am. Thank you for letting me care for you.