Not My Place to Judge

Working in the ER one encounters many types of people. Young, old, middle-aged, kids, black, white, male, female, Asian, Caucasian, Hispanic, Vietnamese...and the list goes on. Then you encounter all kinds of chief complaints: belly pain, sore throat, back pain, chest pain, headache, weakness, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, lacerations, broken bones, etc...again the list goes on. One encounters different attitudes in people: kind, angry, calm, anxious, expectant, worried, scared, mean, delusional, egotistic, respectful, rude, polite, etc...

All these and many more combined to bring in every type of patient imaginable from every type of background you could picture. There's no rhyme or reason to what bring any person in on any given day, but as a nurse I expect diversity. I expect to care for different types of people who come from different walks of life. This doesn't bother me. Rather, it is exciting to learn about different people and it is a challenge to meet each person where they are, help them understand their course of treatment, gain their trust, and assist in their healing. 

Who they are and where they come from doesn't really matter. What matters is caring for them to the best of my ability and knowing enough about where they come from to care for them with cultural competence and respect.

Then there are the patients who comes from jail, who caused the accident, who drank too much before getting behind the wheel, and who comes with a story. A story that is relevant to the mechanism of injury, a story that explains why police are there holding a ticket, a story that sometimes makes the providers shutter and judge. 

I had a patient with a story. This story was similar to many I had heard before and I didn't think twice about it. Injuries were significant and I diligently managed pain, comforted, and reassured. Police showed up hours later with a different story. A story that painted a new picture of the patient, a story that better explained the injuries as well as how the decision impacted others. 

My heart broke.  It didn't change my care for this patient, but boy was it a struggle in my brain not to judge. And it is so very easy to judge when in my line of work we see the impact of decisions every day. 

How would this had played out if I never knew that story? Probably in my mind a complicated case I had the privilege of being a part of...and what was it now? In that moment I judged and I struggled with the facts of the event. And now reflecting on it...

Still a complicated case, and still one I feel privileged to be a part of. Why? Because I had the opportunity to treat this patient the same as I would treat any other patient. I had the opportunity to show compassion and grace in a time where it would have been easy to tell that patient to deal with the consequences. We all make mistakes in life. Some that affect the lives of others and some that stay hidden behind the doors of our homes. At the end of the day is there a difference? We all struggle with different things, but not all those result in physical damage. 

If I made a mistake that landed me in the ER with a story, I hope I would receive compassion and the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I would deserve it, maybe I wouldn't...but whose place is it to judge?

Not mine, I remind myself each day, not mine. 
 

What is Your Expertise?

I take my car to the mechanic when it's not working because that is their specialty. I have full confidence in the shop to change and rotate my tires and diagnose the reason my blue tooth won't connect or why my heater doesn't want to blow heat when it's less than 20 degrees outside. While I could open up a book about cars,  my car's make and model specifically, and follow the YouTube video about how to check out the engine and heating systems, I choose to go to an expert. Why not put trust in someone who works with cars day in and day out? Lazy? I prefer to think of it as a wise use of resources. I could learn to change my own oil, but when it comes to the engine function I'm leaving that to the people who know what they are doing.

I often forget that is how the world sees us as healthcare providers. Doctor or nurse, I hear frequently:

But you've seen this before? 
And you know it works?
And your confident he/she will be ok?
Did others make the same decision? Are we making the right decision? 
What would you do if you were us?

I encountered two different families last week asking these very questions. They were asking about quality of life for their loved one and if they were making the right decision. I humbly listened to each group feeling honored that they asked for my professional opinion and advice while I felt somewhat naive to the emotional weight of such decisions, seeing as these people were old enough to be my parents! And yet, young or not, they trusted my expertise as a nurse, and as a person who understood the circumstances and cared.

Knowledge is a privilege and one that should not be taken lightly. I am blessed to be in such a position each day at work, and moments like this remind me to use the gifts and experience I have. I cannot tell someone what they should do, but I can offer pros and cons to each side and help them understand the options and fill in the knowledge gaps to make the picture a little clearer.

Sometimes we forget that others look to us for advice on the things we're used to seeing and doing every day. Embrace your gifts and talents in what you do, no matter what that may be. It takes all kinds to make this world go round, and if we all knew the same things it wouldn't get us much of anywhere.

Recognize your daily value and share it with the world.

Quality/Quantity

Living his life without a care in the world and out for a ride on his bike. One minute the breeze blowing through his hair and the next thing he knows there's a car, he's on the ground, and he can no longer feel his legs.


He has been playing his instrument since he was a little boy, this talent marking his career path. He lives for the rhythms and sounds he plays from church to church. Then, in an instant, the physical ability is gone. He cannot move his left arm and is left to listen to the sounds of the music he once played.


Nothing makes you appreciate the little things in life more than losing them for a period of time. You cut your finger and forget how much you actually use that finger in your day to day activities. You have knee surgery and forget what a blessing it is to be able to run around for a 12 hour shift until it hurts to walk 20 feet.


Every day at work I encounter people with a significant diagnosis that changed their life forever, and I am reminded to count my blessings. While my functionality is crucial in my line of work, I wonder what would happen if I lost the ability to work? Does my work define me, or am I defined simply by who I am?


I encountered two souls whose lives were altered by life circumstance out of their control. One struck me with his kindness, openness, humbleness, and strength. It wasn't about what he couldn't do or feel, but about what he could still do. It was about the love and commitment he shared with his wife. It was about the life he still had left to live as opposed to the function he had lost. The glass was half full and he was delightful to be around.

How did this man see himself? While I know little of the path that led to our encounter that day, I do know there was a peace and contentment that radiated from him and a comfort he had about himself. This man did not measure the value of his life by what he was able to do, but by who he could be. How beautiful. Isn't that how it should be? What if we stopped focusing our societal value on what we can do, earn, and cost, and valued people for being their authentic selves?

This man made me stop and think. If I lost the ability to move my legs I could not function as a nurse in the capacity I do now. This thought devastates me, but while my work is a part of who I am, does it define who I am? Or am I defined by how I carry out this work from day to day? Am I defined by how I treat others and the intention and meaning behind my words and actions? I hope it is the latter. 

Life is about the quality of how you live it, not the quantity of things you do, and every day is a gift and an opportunity to live to the fullest.

Live intentionally.