Right Where You're Meant to Be

Grandpa’s breathing became apneic. Two days before he was sitting up in his chair begging for an orange popsicle, and this morning his barely audible words had progressed to no words at all. The family was gathered close and we offered words of love and reassurance. Maybe it was the tugging on my heart, maybe it was the silence that I had trouble sitting with, or maybe it was the desire to connect to grandpa’s heart in a special way as he had sung at my wedding only 6 months ago. Whatever the reason I broke into “Amazing Grace”, then “Ave Maria”, and the songs kept coming.

The last song I sang came from a special place in my heart as it was one I had written. “Meant to Be” was written from a place  of fear and hope with the unknown ahead.

…look at all the people who love you, look at your true friends so dear. Count your blessings, capture the laughter, remember to smile and love with no fear. Find God in everything that you see, and know you’re right where you’re meant to be…

And as I sang my song the words changed as they became a prayer and the best last words I could offer to my grandfather…

…Look at all the people who love you, look at all your family right here. Count your blessings, capture the laughter, remember to smile, let go of your fears. Find God is everything that you see. You’re going right where you’re meant to be.

There’s a reason you’re here. And though it isn’t clear, just let go and you will see, you’re going right where you’re meant to be.

I left a few hours later after a week of prayer, moments, and presence with him, and he was still holding on. I don’t think we will ever fully understand God’s plan or God’s timing in life, but I can hold on to the faith and hope that there’s something beautiful on the other side. Something greater than any of us could ever imagine. Our goal is to live our lives to the fullest so that when He calls we’re ready to walk through the door.

My song, “Meant to Be”, can be found on itunes:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/meant-to-be-single/id985416746

The Presence of Death

As I sit here at grandpas bedside it's amazing to observe how different people see death. Grandpa is 90 years old and at the end stage of esophageal cancer. Grandpa who stood up and sang Ave Maria at my wedding only 6 months ago... Grandpa who cruised around Las Vegas like a champ for his 90th birthday in October. His brain is fully intact while his body is weaker every day with only days to weeks to live. The support, love, and prayers at this time is beautiful and overwhelming. 

I sit here and I am content. The first few days were hard as I entered into a medical situation and had to balance my place on this trip. There is a fine line between nurse and granddaughter, and on this trip I really just need to be here as "favorite granddaughter" (aka only granddaughter :p). For grandpa, my knowledge of the disease process is helpful, but what is most important is presence. Trip after trip to California he would ask "when will we see you again?" ...I didn't always know. This trip came about at the drop of a hat when I head the words "hospice". Time better spent in the days before death then after. And to fly out to just be present was the best gift I could give him at this time. 

Who needs presence? Do you have people in your life, people you work with, those who are dear to you who need you to be present in their lives? How often do we take the time to be still and be with someone? Do we make enough time before it's too late or do we scramble to pull it together when there is limited time remaining? Everyone always comes together in the last moments, as they should, but what if we lived our lives to truly soak in and enjoy every moment with others so when the final moments came there were no regrets about calls made, time spent, and the relationship that was built?

Life is precious. Enjoy every day, live in every moment, count your blessings, and count every experience and encounter. Let joy overwhelm your life so that one day when God is ready to take you, you are ready to skip through the pearly gates and leave behind only the joy you put in the hearts of the people you left behind.